Picking Oneself Up After Falling Is Fine, But Not Enough
There is a common opinion that after failing with something that one is doing, the most important thing is to get back up and continue working on it. In the Gnostic-esoteric work, such a viewpoint is also quite popular, saying how when we fail in a battle against an ego, we should learn from it and then get up and fight again. In the inner work, we will without a doubt encounter many egos within ourselves, a lot of new things will emerge. This is a good thing. It shows that we are doing the work in a good way, because otherwise we wouldn’t be unraveling the egos from the deeper layers of the mind. Within that work, we can experience inner states of anger, fear, lust, pride etc. in ways unknown to us before, and if the ego that we are working on is strong, we can fail in that battle. By failing I am referring to following the will of the ego, rather than the will of the spirit. For example, when we identify with anger, we can have an outburst or say something that later we will regret. Or if we identify with a lustful impression, we may end up fornicating and losing the sexual energy.
There are many egos that a person could identify with and submit to, and even though not all of them are equally harmful, they still tend to bring bad consequences for our life and our work, particularly when we are on the path and when passing an initiation depends on our conduct and how we deal with internal and external situations. Nonetheless, the damage done from failing varies from ego to ego. Probably the most harm to the inner work is brought by ending chastity with sexual indulgence and the loss of energy, because this can undo a great deal of the inner work, depending on where on the path the person is. Such a fall makes the Kundalini to severely go back down, it also creates new egos that entrap a percentage of consciousness that was previously set free, and if one has started incarnating parts of the Being, it causes for those parts to withdraw from our interior – it is a disaster for the inner work! And though this might very well be the worst scenario of falling down in the work, one can fail with every of the egos, be it pride, fear, anger, envy etc.
It definitely makes sense that after failing in a battle against an ego, we should reflect on what went wrong, trying to learn about this ego, how it made us fall, reflecting on the moment when the consciousness surrendered its will to the ego, trying to see precisely how we consented to the ego, because there is always a moment when we as the consciousness accept the promptings of the ego and give in. For this we could blame the situation, other people, or the strength of the ego, which could all be important factors, especially the ego being large, but ultimately it comes down to us actually accepting the ego and its will, which is why we identify with it and do what it wants us to do. Within such reflection we can learn and find out a lot about the ego, but just doing this and starting again is not enough, because the ego will hit again. We can even be misled that we can just keep reflecting on what went wrong, on why we failed, or worse: we can use this approach as an excuse to keep indulging. There have been many Gnostic students who were misled in such a way, who went to places or were doing things that involved having the problematic ego active with a goal to study it, only to be knocked out by it, and eventually losing the entire work itself.
So there needs to be something more when picking oneself up after falling, otherwise we will just continue falling, hoping that progress is still taking place. Of course, the first step is to pick oneself up and continue moving along, but instead of moving along in the same way, which ultimately will result in another failure, why not do something differently, something that will increase the likelihood of passing the obstacle that is making you fall?
I would advise to everyone who is serious with the inner work and who keeps having a recurrent falls, to seriously evaluate their approach to this work, and to be ready to make necessary changes. If things don’t go as we would like them to go, then changes need to be applied, it is the only way to succeed with it and to get the necessary help that can pull us out from the low states and from the labyrinth of the mind. The same applies if our work becomes stagnant, when nothing seems to take place, when we are losing momentum and strength to work on ourselves, but obviously we have to make that change more urgently when we keep failing in the work. We need to evaluate how we are doing things, and then see what of our approach should stay as it is, what should be modified, and what should be replaced with something new. It is important to not be afraid of doing new things, or even to completely let go of the old approaches and replacing them with new ones that work, if that’s what’s needed to succeed.
The ego that causes trouble should be avoided feeding at all costs. If that ego comes up in much of our daily life, then we should amplify the learning process, do more practices that will give us strength and insights on how to go about overcoming that obstacle. Asking for help one’s own inner Being and other higher beings, asking to be shown information in dreams, to be given the necessary energy that will be of importance in overcoming the ego. Once we are willing to change whatever it needs to be changed, to sacrifice whatever it is necessary to overcome the obstacle, then the help comes.
I do not think we are ever left without help when we do what is necessary, because the spiritual beings know the difficulty that we are going through with this work, they know that it is hard to achieve the state of being that we aspire to, and are willing to help everyone who make the necessary efforts in their own inner work.
We have to be open for the new, open to change our approaches and ways, open to make drastic changes if that’s what’s required. When we are defined for the work, then all these things won’t be a problem for us, because we see the value in them, and we are ready to do what it takes to get there. Then we will know and understand that we are not alone in this work, that there is more to us that meets the eye, and that there are invisible helpers that are eager to help us.
HDP, January 2021.